Not just a pretty face

By the Ambassador:


I am missing Funhouse. Since we closed our Wellington office I haven’t been there, and I typically only play when I’m away, because even in a big city everyone knows someone. I believe that one of the most honest relationship a man can have is with his Madam, certainly true of Mary, but not of all Madams. There is this YouTube video which has done the rounds of an average looking guy white boarding his theory of the hot vs. crazy woman scale. I’m not a big fan of it but there are parallels to draw to the sex industry.


The truly wonderful thing about the sex industry is that it allows average looking blokes like me to have an intimate relationship with girls who would ordinarily not look twice at us. Even when we were in our prime the hot girls were way out of our league, and we knew it. I mean, there is no hiding here that I enjoy having sexual relations with hot young women, and I just LOVE it when they are smart, outgoing, witty conversationalists who have a bent towards walking on the wilder side. It’s awesome that these wonderful women choose to allow me to spend time with them, get intimate with them, without judgment, in exchange for some money. Of course I’m fortunate to be able to afford to indulge in this brilliant but expensive pastime occasionally.


Where the sex industry has the hot vs. crazy scale similarity is that there is a hot vs. kinky scale. For brevity I’ll use hot and kinky as adjectives and excuse my superficiality here, and trust me that I find beauty in all people (especially women) and the degree of kinkiness is not the only measure of worth. I have found that in many of the top end agencies they promote the hotness of their girls, and are reliant on their physical beauty as the key factor in making a decision, paying little attention to the overall experience. I mean, the girls may have the beauty of a model and the body of a centerfold but often these girls just go through the motions, without much intimacy or engagement. The other side of the scale is the kinky side, where I have met some great girls who have taught me a thing or two about getting wild, and more often than not these girls have not been traditionally beautiful.


Of course everyone has the right to choose what they will and won’t do, so my criticism is not for the girls, but for the Madams. Be honest about the experience. If the service will be basic but she’s a 10/10 and it’s like fucking a supermodel then say so. Or if it will redefine raunchy with an interesting and thoughtful conversation to follow, but she wouldn’t make the cover of Vogue then say that too. It’s like going to your boss’s house or your colleagues’ place for dinner; your boss’s place is magnificent, in a posh neighbourhood with lots of art on the walls, but you can’t touch anything and you’re on best behavior, whereas your colleague is in the suburbs, has a nice place and puts on a big old BBQ with lots of booze, a game of backyard cricket and a swim in the pool.


I know which I’d prefer. And this is why I miss Funhouse. The girls who work for Mary are as beautiful as can be found anywhere in the world, and I haven’t met one of them who didn’t have a kink (or two) that I wanted to explore. Thanks Mary, and thanks to the Funhouse girls, who have just spoiled me for anything but the best.


The Ambassador