After another lovely night with ‘Her Excellency’ it occurred to me that my engagement with sex workers has changed rather a lot. I clearly remember my first multiple hour booking and the mental thought process I went through when making the longer booking; start with a glass of wine and a chat, move to more intimate activity, another glass of wine and check the stamina… Previously I had extended bookings by a short period – as a younger fellow stamina wasn’t an issue – but this was the start of a trend towards taking more time and really enjoying the experience.
As a young fellow indulging in ‘this brilliant but expensive pastime’*, I was discerning, but also very focused on the short term objective. The red lights of inner suburban outfits were a little off-putting, and I gravitated to the larger and mainstream brothels. It’s fair to say that there was a budgetary constraint too, and I would often sacrifice a boozy night out (or two) with mates to fund my visits to these more famous establishments, booking an hour at the most.
Now that the budgetary issues are not as much of a factor (let’s be honest, it’s still a bit of a factor), I find myself making longer bookings because I want to spend more time with an interesting companion – as well as having some great sex. Don’t get me wrong, I have a decent circle of friends, and have a range of conversations with them, from utterly juvenile to solving world hunger, but I plainly enjoy good conversation and spending time with interesting people.
A female friend said recently that infidelity with a sex worker was more acceptable because there is ‘no emotional connection’, and this was similar to my attitude for many years. My view was that seeing sex workers was like a safe one night stand, with no emotional or personal connection – paying to walk away afterwards without judgement or commitment. I guess I have evolved, and don’t just want a pleasurable but ultimately meaningless exchange. Sexologists say that the body’s biggest sex organ is the brain; I think they’re right, and that conversation is the lubricant of thought.
And this is the key change; my perspective of sex workers as people I want to spend time with. Across the spectrum sex workers are interesting people, with unique experiences, individual stories, day jobs and regular lives, they too may be escaping the banal humdrum of the everyday and having some fun. I enjoy the company of sex workers, and I honestly hope they enjoy mine too.
So when you next get the discreet knock on the hotel room door, pour your guest a glass of wine, sit down and have a chat for a while. I’m sure you’ll be pleasantly surprised and may even learn a thing or two…
*I have to credit Franco at Funhouse for this beautiful phrase, thanks Franco.